Cruz and Kasich Decide to Hold Hands and Drive Off Cliff Thelma & Louise Style in a 2004 Chrysle

All news outlets reported today that republican presidential hopefuls Sen. Ted Cruz and Ohio Gov. John Kasich have joined forces and have agreed to drive off a cliff together in a 2004 Chrysler Sebring kind of like in the movie Thelma & Louise. In an announcement that shocked mostly everyone but also no one, the two rivals decided that this was the only way to stop republican front runner Donald Trump.

Cruz said " I mean what have I got to lose? I am hoping this gives us a chance for a contested convention where I feel I have a good chance to win the Battle Royal, no holds barred, cage match. It's my only chance. Unless of course I don't survive the impact of driving off the cliff in the Sebring." Most prognosticators agree with Cruz, that he has to pull out all the stops in order to stop Trump from reaching the 1,237 delegates needed to win the republican party's nomination.

Kasich, on the other hand is solidly behind in the polls. Most people are shocked he's still running. But this collusion gives his supporters new hope that he'll go out like champion by driving the Sebring. "I've always liked the movie Thelma & Louise and this will cement my unbridled fandom. It let's my supporters know that I gave it my all in the end. I hope the Sebring has airbags. It has air bags right?"

As of press time, no one could answer Kasich's question.

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